Take three couples: one of them is married with an active sex-life, one of them is not and just as active and one of them are Mary and Joseph. My friend’s idea would likely place the middle couple as “Sinners” because they are unmarried and they shouldn’t be having sex anyway. Justification for this bit is found all over Scripture but you can use Gal 5:19 as summative support. 

My friend would look at the last couple as holy because they’re Mary and Joseph, but if we simplify, it would be because they’re in a monogamous married relationship where they can have sex but are stoically putting up and not giving in to their sexual urges. There’s really no support for this scripturally unless you take 1 Cor 7:38 and interpret virgin as [virgin wife] instead of [virgin daughter].

That would put the first couple as not being as holy as the last couple because they got married and gave into their sexual desires.

My friend could likely find some support in 1 Cor 7:1-2 where it states that it’s better for a man not to touch a woman but in the chance of being immoral, it’s better to get married (1 Cor 7:8). So marriage used here to stave off immorality (as in the second couple who would be considered better off if they were married). So from this position it would make the sexual desire an immoral thing that must be nipped in the bud or given a justified breeding ground. Not that I’m supporting that idea, I’m just stating where someone could argue a point.

Opposed to this position I would say that Paul immediately deals with the actual marriage relationship in 1 Cor 7:2-6. Point one (v1) is that it’s good for a man not to touch a woman—not that it’s sinful but because of immoralities (especially in that day and age where a visit to the local temple whore was a matter of rote). No casual touching—this is serious business: (point 2) each man is to have his own wife and each woman is to have her own husband. And then, within that relationship (point 3) the husband must fulfill his duty to his wife (not limited to but definitely includes the sexual) and each wife must do likewise to her husband (again, not limited)

The authority over the wife’s body is not some stranger or her father…but her husband. And the authority over the husband’s body is not his own sexual urges or some stranger…but his wife. That would make the marriage relationship in the sexual department aimed at the spouse’s gratification instead of personal satisfaction or reciprocation. (Incidentally, that really raises some questions about autoeroticism within the marriage relationship.)

Paul underscores this point by stating that the husband and wife is to stop depriving each other unless it’s by agreement. Here my friend might shout out with an “aha!” But I would have him pause and look at what Paul says after that: this deprivation is for a time of devotion to prayer and then afterwards they are to come together again. It’s not a lifetime of separation, but seasonal with the very practical understanding that one can be tempted during this time of abstinence.

Now, if Mary and Joseph did remain separated in marriage Paul would be telling them to stop depriving one another…unless they are specifically doing this for a season with the full intent of coming together afterwards. Scripturally this is exactly the case (Matt 1:24-25) that (a) Joseph took Mary as his wife, (b) kept her a virgin (c) until she gave birth to a Son. That sort of time bracketing tells me that Joseph and Mary agreed to it especially in light of the important messages both of them personally received (Joseph contextually Matt 1:22-24).

What should be explored is if there is anything specifically wrong with those sexual desires within the marriage relationship. Jesus makes it clear that it’s wrong to go off lusting after other women (Matt 5:28) and Paul makes it clear that a married man doesn’t even have a right over his own body to go off and use it for anything but his wife. But when looking at Scripture, how does God view the marriage relationship and sex within it?

A general survey (it’s way too long a study for one post) would have God commanding sex between husband in wife in that they are to be fruitful and multiply (Gen 1:28). Abraham and Sarah were told they were going to have a son but Sarah couldn’t have kids (Gen 16). That didn’t stop them from trying, her past her bearing years and his body as good as dead (Heb 11:7,8). Rachel and Jacob seem to be spending quite some time together, her not being able to bear kids and all—so much so that Leah has to purchase Jacob’s “services” (Gen 30:15-16). A reading of the book of Song of Solomon would reveal things between a Bride and a Beloved that would make you blush (Song 1:2, 4; 2:6; 4:9 the whole book really).

So in the end, regardless of who Mary was—Joseph was her husband and as such he had say over her body and she had say over his. The two were also under God’s command to humans to fruitfully multiply and I would take that to mean trying for more than one. Lastly Scripture doesn’t speak of sex within marriage as something bad or sinful but constantly looks at it in it’s ideal—and conversely looks at what happens when someone messes with the ideal.

-r-

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