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Question on the Perception of Impropriety PDF Print E-mail
Written by Rey   
Tuesday, 04 April 2006

There’s a question that’s been nagging me the last couple of days. Instead of letting it repeat I thought it would be good to ask it here and see if there’s any answers from my sole reader. You know who you are. Anyway, as a guy is it wrong to hang out with another guy by myself?

Just to preempt your thinking, this isn’t grounded on any household arguments. I was thinking along the lines of Paul’s recommendation (1 Thes 5:22) to avoid any appearance of evil (which a person can take as “form of evil” or “something that looks evil”). I’ve long been told not to hang out with a woman by myself lest (1) I get tempted or (2) others perceive that “something” is going on. The admonishment sounds something like “you don’t want anyone to think there’s impropriety going on.”

Nowadays impropriety happens all over the place. Well, it’s always happened but it seems to be more out in the open now. There’s a bunch of men in the south who consider themselves heterosexuals who like to have sex with men—so they do. We have pro-Man/Boy love associations while repeated reports of such happening s occurring in churches. A guy hanging out with a young boy can easily be perceived as impropriety. Two girls hanging out by themselves might be perceived as impropriety. Even groups—well, you get my point.

So what do you think? Is there something presuppositionally wrong with my line of thought that sparked the question? Is there a way to solve this conundrum?


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written by PhilThreeten, June 09, 2005
Rey - I think it depends on what cultural assumptions would be. Do people (especially non-believers since that is who the verse you are talking about is primarily speaking about) automatically assume that because you are hanging out with a guy that you are gay? I don't think that's an assumption unless you give them reason to think that. However, it will also depend on the environment of who you are talking to.

When I worked in corporate, I would often hear about the amount of drinking that people did. Around them, I would not drink nor would I talk about my own intake of alcohol...the reason being is that their assumption of minimal consumption was WAY over what my maximum consumption would be. To talk about it would give a hint of impurity.

Does that help? smilies/sad.gif
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written by Rey, June 09, 2005
That's a good point and a very helpful one. Perhaps the cultural context is what skews thedefinition.So then as society perverts something (like offering meat to idols and selling it on the street) then participating in that something in that context would be perceived as wrong. But then, look at the Catholic church scandals. Priests hanging out with altar boys might (all of a sudden) look bad. Heck, if Paul and Timothy were going around today, everywhere...would there be talk?

Thanks Phil
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written by David Kjos, June 09, 2005
The admonition in 1Thesselonians 5:22 is not to abstain from things that look evil, but from things that actually are evil. Yes, you should be careful of the impression your actions might give others, but you don't find that in this passage.

I think it's ridiculous to think that you can't be seen with another man. Here is how that logic plays out:

Don't be seen with your mother or sister, or any other female relative. People who don't know them, but know you're married, might think you're having an extra-marital affair. Others who don't know either of you might think they're your shacked-up girlfriend. Still others who know both of you might think you have an incestuous relationship. Closer to your example, put your father and brothers into the equation.

Don't be seen alone with your own children because people might think... well, you know what.

Finally, don't go out in public alone with your wife. Strangers don't know you're married. It's no stretch to assume you're living in sin like a large portion of the population is.

In fact, you'd better stay away from everyone.

Ridiculous enough? OK, back in the real world, I wouldn't go to a gay hang-out with a male friend. That would look bad. But then, I'm not likely to go anywhere like that, anyway.
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written by Sean Kelly, June 09, 2005
I agree with David's point. And as a further example to back it up. The issue Paul had in Corinth was that there was "immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles" All the same perversions existed back then and Paul never mentioned any problems with the iffy fact that everyone seemed to know if someone was circumsized or not.
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written by Rey, June 09, 2005
Yeah, David and Sean I can see a presuppositional problem here. I'm going into the text thinking X and finding justification J. Is there another passage where you would find support for the impression that you give others? Can a guy be seen with a woman who isn't his wife or relative? Should he be?
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written by David Kjos, June 10, 2005
I can't think of many instances when it would be wise to be alone with another woman whether or not anyone saw me. If I could think of such an occasion, I'd say, avoid it. If you can't avoid it, don't worry about it.

Are you faced with such a situation?

I can't really think of a Scripture that applies.
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written by Sean Kelly, June 10, 2005
I think it depends on how you define alone. Alone at a table in a public restuarant or alone in a hotel room. I think I would use 1Timothy 5:1-2 as a verse that guided all my interactions with people in general and believers in particular. I don't have any sisters, so this might not sound reasonable. Would I take my sister out to dinner? Probably. Would I share a hotel room with her? Probably not. In either case would I hide it from anybody? No. Would I make sure my wife knew about it? Yes.

The peculiar wording for James 2:15-17 suggests to me that there might be extenuating circumstances that would compell me to go beyond my comfort zone to help a sister in need. I like the way David put it, if you can't avoid it, don't worry about it. If we are honest, it isn't usually too hard to avoid.

The only example from Acts that I could think of was admittedly a bit of a stretch, but in Acts 9:40-41. Peter was in a room with a dead woman and brought ther back to life. However, he was in ear shot of other brothers.
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written by Rey, June 10, 2005
Good stuff guys.

More to consider: Luke, Paul and company sat with the women who had gathered in prayer (Luke 16). Paul refers to those who enter the households and captivate weak women who are driven by their impulses (2 Tim 3). Those are just vignettes that could lead credence to maintaining a proper context in any relationship. I think there might be something to say to hanging out with the guys all the time or what not. Jesus would correct thinking by saying not to judge by appearance but with righteous judgment (John something). That would support that we shouldnt be quick judge any thing we see based on appearances alone҅be it in person or in text. Also to consider is that good elders and deacons are told to be characteristically above reproach and blameless (Timothy and Titus). So not only does the context (as Phil said) come into play but so does the character. Character + Context + Not being Quick to Judge + being Careful.

Why wouldnt that all apply to relationship with friends of the same sex? Impropriety isnҒt limited to sexual relationships. Impropriety might be emotional or financial or even use of language or writing. I started off thinking about the sexual appearance but its just as easy for a person to see a group of men and think ғtheyre up to no goodҔ.

David re: "Are you faced with such a situation?"
No. And once again, no. This isn't grounded on any household argument or any situation in my life. While painting, I was thinking about some guys going on a missionary journey together when a random passing thought about my friends (Christian and Non) came to mind. Whenever these guys see a couple of men together in the city they snicker and say GayӔ.

And really, there may not be an answer to all this. Like I said, I put this up for discussion and am enjoying it thus far.
B)
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written by Jeremy Pierce, June 19, 2005
This is actually a mistranslation, according to most commentators nowadays. They argue that it says to avoid every kind of evil. The noun can mean either form or appearance, but two things suggest form rather than appearance.

One is that Paul's statement is similar to several OT passages that have no sense of appearance to them (e.g. Job 1:1,smilies/cool.gif. Those contexts also include 'pas' in the LXX, for "every" in English. When the word appears without that, it can mean "appearance", but it never occurs elsewhere with 'pas' to mean "appearance".

The other issue is that even the cases where it means appearance can't mean what this verse is taken to mean in, e.g., the KJV. When it means appearance it's about the appearance of something that reflects its underlying nature, not the appearance of something that gives a false impression. So even if it's saying to avoid the appearance of evil, it wouldn't be the mere appearance. It would be a command to avoid the outward sign of real evil in the heart.

I do think that there can be good rules of thumb regarding how we are perceived, but I don't see it as the kind of command this is in the KJV. That just doesn't seem to be what Paul has in mind. Any such recommendation has to be a rule of thumb that can be better or worse in different circumstances, depending on what other rules of thumb come into play (or what deeper moral considerations are involved).
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